eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
