Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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