I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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