Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
