I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
