what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
