Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
