R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
