did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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