dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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