oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
