Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
