I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
