found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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