The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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