Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
