I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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