A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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