I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
