Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
