He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
