How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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