And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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