And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
