Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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