were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
