So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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