I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
