Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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