Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
