I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hello my rib-scented angel!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
