Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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