I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
