As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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