someone threw a dead crab at me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
