So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
