Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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