I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
