Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
