we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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