walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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