So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
