i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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