I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
