She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
