finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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