I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
