I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
