i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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