I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
