So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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