I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As shirtless as possible
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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