I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
please come you make the beer taste better
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
