I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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