Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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