new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
