Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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