Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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