Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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