I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
