i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
