so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
