I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize