Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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